The most frightening thing THEY won’t tell you is this: for every gain in recovery you will have a regress. Progress is slow, and muscle memory is everything. Egress is my word for getting over the hurdle – conquering the learning curve. I personally need to experience things three times, in a relevant situation, without stress/ pain, for an egress.
Throughout TBI recovery, as memory and cognition improve, motor skills will suffer and vice versa. At first, I drew connections with trips down memory lane and regression of my short term memory. Remember an old friend, forget to eat lunch. Quite simply, I could not exist in both the past and the present. Alike to not having enough bandwidth, my hands don’t work if I get lost in thoughts about my past. Similarly, my legs stop responding when my trigeminal nerve is over stimulated. Best to employ techniques to train this brain for focusing on only the task at hand, or foot. Pun intended.
Be here now. Mindfulness over Multitasking. Figure it in. These little mantras I once thought were so stupid are now my building blocks. I don’t have the time to care about who thinks it’s contrite.
I’m not stupid, I’m slow. Everything is new. I need help with words and heavy lifting. I’m going to take breaks. Most of all, I’m going to celebrate every inch of my progress.
Muscle memory is crucial, but repetition is not always possible. ‘Slow down to speed up’ comes into play. I heard a new one the other day “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly” It truly is. End of story. There are limits to effective learning. This journey is so much about doing what you can when it’s appropriate. Constantly, I am learning new ways to bring myself to the precipice at the right time. Everything seems dependent on proper form.
Accountability. I am very much aware I can control what and when I remember. Sounds illusive, right? There are infinite formulas that will unlock information and anagrams to help me recall. Numerous Brain Hacks and Brain Gyms have become part of my handbook. We all need a toolbox. Rodeo kitchen is my way of remembering what will help Amalia. Hoping it will help more folx down the road.
Most of this knowledge comes from studying early childhood education. My self- directed protocol is rooted in the theory humans have 3 to 5 years of crucial brain development as toddlers. I faithfully believe after a trauma or head injury we have a similar access to that elusive imprint window during recovery.
I was today years old when I stopped being terrified of regressions. When the brain is making new connections, it’s constantly prioritizing. Delegating. As someone who has always been known for my uncanny memory, multitasking, and networking skills this is terribly unsettling. I’ve had to redefine myself on new terms. Since the accident, sometimes my filter is so strong I don’t remember new people, especially men. I have a hard time recognizing people I don’t see every day. If something stresses me out or does not make sense, like a lie or a risky decision, it is more difficult for me to understand.
After a series of these regressions and an onset of outer space pain, it became apparent I would need to start using mobility aids. This helped me be more present. A cane isn’t sexy, but neither is falling on my face. I learned to slink my way down the hall with the turned koa wood. I channel my days in performing art school. “It’s up to you New York, New York”! I dream one day I can dance and balance this body again.
In California, I was doing yoga from a chair, it still hurt to shake, shimmy and bend. Alas, I was asking for a ramp to be built on our front porch. No one liked it, most of all not me. I knew I Absolutely Needed to do all of these things to get better. Not everyone agreed. My window might only be open for so long. I hear my clock ticking, and I will forever dance to the beat of my own drum.
Journal Entry 04.16.2020
Read more about trigeminal nerve, imprinting and cognitive load theory from other sources below:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK482283/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15721798/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15509387/
https://www.teachthought.com/learning/cognitive-load-theory-definition-teachers/
rodeokitchen 
Leave a comment